another mysterious injury

Another injury requiring explanation by Karen Hughes or Ari Fleischer or Scott McClellan or whatever presidential spinmeister on the case at the time.

YIKES!

Holy bejabbers! #41 is not looking so hot in this photo.

Another face plant

This is the leader of the free world after he allegedly beefed on his bike.

Get me offa this crazy thing!

Here we see the president trying to play tennis and ride a Segway at the same time. The attempt is not successful.

PRETZEL ATTACK!

Here we see the result of either: A.) The president falling flat on his face due to some sort of incapacitating substance. (Take your pick: Whiskey, Halcion, Xanax, Oxycontin, or a combination.) or B.) The president choking on a pretzel while sitting on a couch. Which one makes more sense?

Back in the saddle

I sort of gave up on this blog thing after the obviously and egregiously stolen presidential election. The opportunity to lambaste Dubya for four more years was little consolation.

Bush is so ridiculous that there will be no end to the jokes. So let's pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, buckle down, get back on that horse what threw us and commence to pokin' fun.

Is the president a world-class klutz, a secret binger or both? We know he was an underwhelming athlete. Unlike his old man, who played first base on the Yale baseball team, the shrub's greatest athletic achievement was head hollerer on the cheerleading squad at Andover.

During the first Bush administration, it became widely known that many of the top people in the Whitehouse and elsewhere were taking Halcion, including the president himself. It may have been a combination of Halcion and sake which sundered the president in Japan many years ago, causing him to barf all over the Japanese Prime Minister.

The Bushes have always been known to be drinkers. Bar and Laura and Jenna have all been smokers. Shrub did not make it through the 60's and 70's and 80's, drinking like a fish, without smoking pot and snorting coke. If you think GWB left the frat party or the power cocktail party when the cocaine came out, you have astonishing powers of denial.

I'm not one to get preachy about what other people do in their private lives, except when those people loudly and sanctimoniously call for ever harsher punishments for drug offenders while secretly medicating themselves. The hypocrisy is monstrous. Jeb's daughter Noelle, for example, was busted repeatedly for drugs and was involved in a string of car crashes in Tallahassee, yet every time she was let off and the news was suppressed. That is, until she got caught smuggling crack into a women's drug treatment facility. Residents at the facility had long complained that the Governor's daughter was bringing drugs into the facility, but to no avail. Finally a patient called 911. Noelle, she said, was a bad influence on the other residents. So, Noelle is so out of control that she is narced on by her fellow crackheads. Noelle was finally sentenced to 10 days in jail.

Two bothersome questions arise in my mind: A.) Why do so few people even know this story? and B.) Would such a shocking story have gone unreported in the Clinton administration?

William Jefferson Clinton is a scumbag, but for none of the usual Rush Limbaugh reasons. I will never defend Bill Clinton. But Bill and Hillary, despite their overarching turpitude, have raised what appears to be an intelligent, well-adjusted and well-behaved daughter. While George II's own daughters are notorious law-breaking party- girls whose main interest is buying clothes.

During the Clinton administration, the atmosphere was so toxic that Rush Limbaugh could actually refer to Chelsea Clinton as "the White House dog." But somehow, the Bush daughters are utterly immune.

Many may recall the front-page picture in the National Enquirer of Jenna Bush falling on top of another floozy in a bar somewhere. With a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other, the first daughter is a picture of wantonness and excess.

The National Enquirer, however, decided on a modified editorial policy when, in late 2001, they recieved a care package full of weaponized anthrax.